Always and Ever Again
by bennynotbunny
Summary: "I sent my daughters out into the wide open world thinking only that they would make me proud by leaving their mark on it. I did not stop to think that it might leave its mark on them. I often forget that they have not lived so very long as I have, and now that they are gone, now that it's too late, I begin to fear that I've sent them running toward the chaos all too unprepared."
1. I begin to understand

11th of Second Seed, 4E 201

I was born Lofn Direnni, treasured only child to a powerful and beautiful Altmer sorceress and her human lover. Him, I do not remember. She took many lovers during my lifetime, and even shared some of them with me. Perhaps there are flashes of memory of my father that I hold unknown in my mind. Perhaps that's where I get what my mother called my _fetish_ for human men. I remember laughing and telling her it was only practical. "Human attachments can only last so long," I told her. "Their lifespans are short. If things do go horribly ill-fated, one can always wait it out." She laughed then, and told me to take what I wanted from this life. She said that 1,000 years can pass in the blink of an eye if you love your life or can seem like an endless torture if you don't. There was a haunted look in her eye as she said the last part. I remember that, even all of these many years later. At the time I couldn't fathom why she would worry for me. Each day I grew more beautiful, powerful and charming. I was the desire of the courts across three provinces. My destiny stretched before me, an endless sea of golden possibilities, and all I had to do was choose.

Indeed, my life has been rich and full of pleasure. I've lived scandalously and amassed power and fortune. Sadly, I've been widowed three times in the last ten years. I loved all the men I married, in my way. They were all powerful. They all advanced my position or wealth. Unfortunately, my world in a violent one, and they all met untimely ends. I grieved for them, but I am not a creature that likes to be alone – and there were always others to take their places. My children understand. But now, with the golden rays of my youth fading, fear clutches at my heart. This marriage, my fourth and the most illustrious, was supposed to put my children on unshakable ground and secure their future. Instead, it may have put everything I love and hold dear at risk. My daughters – beautiful, charming and talented – are set to be used as bargaining chips, playthings of the emperor and the Elder Council.

I hear them laughing now, splashing each other in the shallow waters of the Lower Niben, most certainly with their skirts hiked up scandalously and their hair falling loose. I have to smile as I hear their prettily pitched giggles. No doubt they are amusing themselves by driving their bodyguards and any number of the local boys slowly mad. _Oh! I cannot let them come to this end – my beautiful girls. I have only the summer to make my plans - only the summer to save them._ I had the servants open the old summer mansion outside Leyawiin. I said it was to escape the smothering summer heat of the Imperial City, but it was to escape so much more. I told the girls that there would be no visitors, no callers, and no acquaintances stopping by, for the whole summer. There was a bit of pouting at first, until one of them giggled and declared that my restrictions just left them scads of time for outrageously improper summer romances. They were all smiles again in no time as they began plotting, with their heads together, in quiet whispers, as though I'd do anything to discourage their scandalous behavior. I tell them often to take all they can from this life.

I have only the summer to formulate a plan. Less time than that really – pieces will have to be set in motion soon. Around me the birds sing, the sun shines, and my children's laughter carries on the warm breeze. But my heart is heavy, my thoughts are troubling, and my doubts threaten to cripple me. In these quiet moments of desperation, alone with my thoughts, I begin to understand the darkness behind my mother's eyes.

Lady Lofn Direnni Caro–R'un-Ashcroft-Mede


	2. The Unseen Hand

A month has passed and my plans are no closer to fruition. Every avenue once open to me now seems to be blocked. Marrying into this cursed family has left me unsure of all but my closest allies. I know in my heart what must be done, but I cannot bring myself to do it. There is one person who can help me, one person who has warned me time and again not to play so fast and loose with politics, one person to whom I owe so much already. I know I should not ask this. I know it is unfair and cruel, and yet . . . I find the tip of my quill wet with ink and already scrawling across the parchment. My signet ring easily finds its way to the soft wax and it is done.

I hear the voice in my head, accusing, even as the courier gallops away, _"One day you will wake up and understand that your actions have consequences. For every game of political intrigue you play the world changes, lives change with every move. It doesn't matter to you now, because you don't see what it takes to get results. Do you think you just decide that things should change and they change? Are you so arrogant that you do not realize your changes are bought and paid for in blood?" _

Thinking back to our last conversation I am filled with regret for my callous dismissal and I wonder if my summons will be answered.

I need not have wondered. My eldest daughter appears at the estate within a fortnight.

Her sisters are out of the estate for the day. No doubt she planned it so. I hear the clatter of hoof beats and move the curtain aside to see her dismounting from the large black steed, two of her men following suit. She says something to the groom that has hurried out to meet them, directs her men in one direction and then turns and stares at my window. Even though I am hidden by the shadows, I step back. She removes the familiar black leather helmet. She is tan and her long hair has bleached an impossible shade of blonde, a tribute to the years she's spent posted in Elsweyr. She anchors the helmet under her arm and strides into the main hall an out of my view.

A quarter of an hour has passed, but I am still not ready when three sharp wraps sound on my chamber doors.

"Come in," I manage even though the door is already opening.

Then she is there in front of me, my little girl of so long ago. I want to run to her and sweep her into my arms, call her my darling girl and promise her we'll never argue again. My heart aches and I am frozen to the spot where I stand. The flicker of hope in her eyes burns out. She swallows and I see her shoulders droop slightly. Tiny things only a mother would notice all screaming at me that I am hurting my child. And yet, I remain still. Better to have this distance between us for what is to come. I hear her coldly polite greeting.

"Mother".

"Atla, thank you for coming." I incline my head and motion for her to sit in one of the chairs in front of my desk. She cocks her head to one side and gives it a small shake before sitting, one hip on my desk instead. After a few moments of silence, in which I'm struggling desperately to find the words, she sighs.

"This obviously isn't a social call, Mother, so why don't you just tell me what's wrong?"

* * *

An hour later she is pacing, fury radiating off of her with every silent step, her gloved hands fisted in anger. "No! Mother, no! You cannot ask me to do this. It goes against everything . . ." She trails off and looks at me wide-eyed, pleading. "Mother, please, even you must understand what you are asking me to do, the risk you're asking me to take . . ."

I stare back at her unflinching, hating myself. "There is too much at stake for you not to intervene, Atlas."

She is on her knees and she grips my hand, "Mother, please. I love my sisters, I do, but I've worked so hard. I've given everything – the last twelve years of my life. You must know how much I've sacrificed to become what I am."

I place a hand on her head. "And what is it you have become, my little Atla?" I know the answer. I placed her on the path so long ago, but I need to hear her say the words.

I feel her tremble, breaking under the weight of her love for me. "You know what I am."

"Say it, Atla."

"No."

My jaw clenches. She will not break. I wave my hand and a spell of silence envelopes us. "Then I'll say it. You are the shadow that leaves a crimson line, the brace that reinforces the weakening fortress, the rumor that leads to the usurping of thrones, the needle that pulls the thread of fate. You are the Unseen Hand of the Elder Council. You are their most trusted, most loyal, most true." The words come out almost bitter and I admonish myself.

She looks up at me, eyes fiery. "Yes. I am all of those things and I have heard none of what you are accusing them of. I cannot move against them, not now – not after everything lost and gained." She shakes her head again and I hear the resolve in her voice. "No. Mother, I'm sorry, but you cannot ask me to do this."

I close my eyes, not daring to breathe, and lock away the love I feel for my daughter. I have other children who need her help, and while it is true they have never sacrificed anything and Atla has sacrificed so much, they deserve a chance at life, and she can give it to them. I picture their faces and open my eyes.

I force a soft expression onto my face. "My sweet girl," I say kindly, "before anything else you are my daughter and a Direnni." She stares intently at my face. My voice grows cold. "I am not _asking_."


	3. Girl on Fire

Atla is on her feet in a second, eyes blazing. "You demand this from me?! After everything I've done for you? After twelve years of sacrifice, this is what you demand?"

I force an exaggerated sigh. "So dramatic, Atla. You're only 28. If something goes horribly wrong, you 're still a beautiful young woman – you could easily start over."

She is beautiful in her fury and I cannot help but be proud as she steps toward me, heedless of the magic I've called to my palms. "Are you stupid?!" she hisses, "If things go horribly wrong, we all end up dead, you arrogant pampered—"

I toss a shock spell at her as a warning that I will not allow her disrespect. To my surprise she raises a ward and deflects it without a second thought, still moving toward me. My eyes narrow and I wave my fingers pushing a strong frost spell at her to stop her forward progress. I gasp as fire flows from her hand and the frost hisses into steam between us. _Well, well, my daughter has been busy._ She stops moving and glares at me.

"Atla," I say, my voice reasonable, "you know you can't win this. I have information that you want, knowledge that you've earned – power that is your birthright."

She stares at me unflinchingly. Something has changed her since we last met, and it's throwing me off balance.

After a moment she crosses her arms and takes a deep breath. "Very well, Mother, but I want my birthright when this is done."

I nod quickly, eager to seal the deal, but she's not finished.

"And there's something else, one more thing."

I'm not sure when the tables turned, but I'm willing to bargain for her cooperation. "Name it, Atla and I will make it yours."

She gives me a hard stare, and I can feel her weighing her words carefully. "In order to take care of the problems you've created, I will have to leave my current post and begin operating in Skyrim. That means there may be loose ends."

My mind is racing, trying to recall any information that would hint at her meaning. "Go on," I encourage.

She takes another breath and continues. "If it becomes necessary, I may send Et'zka to you."

I breathe a sigh of relief and can't help chuckling. "Your best friend? Of course Darling, she is always welcome here. Although, I'm not sure my household is such a good place for a Khajiit to hide."

"You won't be hiding her," Atla says flatly. "You'll be hiding what she brings with her, until it is safe to send it to me. You must make sure she and her cargo get to me undamaged and unknown no matter what the cost."

"I . . . of course, Darling. You know I'll make sure you get whatever it is."

Atla nodded and moves to embrace me. Her voice is low as she wraps her arms around me. "If that cargo fails to reach me, or is damaged, all bets are off. I'll bring your whole world crashing down in flames, even if I have to set myself on fire to do it."

My gasp of fear is matched only by the chill racing down my spine as I step back. Before I can reply, she is gone.


End file.
